The world pins you down

So I’ve been bulimic almost a year now.

I’ve been trying to go through self recovery, & let me just tell you. It’s not easy.

I know I seem naive because I haven’t thrown up my entire life, but I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life. I’ve been through depression since I was at a very young age.

I just wanted to say that I went shopping for a dress that I’ll be wearing to a wedding as a guest, but when I was trying some on, my mother knew that I was already on the verge of crying. I hate going to the dressing rooms. She had told me as I was trying on a dress, that the size I am is the size she was right after she gave birth to my older sister. She gained a lot of weight from her being pregnant & all. I couldn’t hold it in. I just stood there & cried & when I looked at her, she told me that she was ‘just saying.’

The part that bothers me the most is that she knows. She KNOWS I was bulimic.

Since I’ve been trying to go through self-recovery, I’ve gained a lot of weight. One, because I am currently living at my dad’s house & all they eat is junk. Two, since I had bulimia, I’ve gained a bad habit of eating how much I wanted whenever I wanted just as long as I threw it up. But now that I’m trying not to do that anymore, I’ve gained on pounds. I’ve been refusing to get on the scale. I feel pathetic & I need someone’s comfort or maybe some inspiration to do something about myself.

Love, The New Girl Alexis  ♥